| Report for Luke Tansey | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 6 |
| Pending stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 11 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 11 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
In my area the local tramp was this guy with a bad leg. There was this one bench he slept on and in the end the police taped it off. It had something on it-blood or shit, one of the two-and the poor kids played on it. But one day me and my mates were walking back through town and this nurse told us to buy some milk for him. Before we had a chance to say no, she gave us £2 to buy it. We bought him the crappy milk, and then we ran away. Before he was there, it was a guy named ''Dunken Danny''. He used to stand in the corner of the shopping centre and get pissed. He got hit on the head with a frying pan and died.
Game in which you flick a 2p coin at your friend's knuckles and they flick it at yours. The first person to draw blood on all knuckles was the winner.
Missing with the coin and hitting an already bleeding knuckle didn't help you to win, but it did hurt your opponent more.
Missing with the coin and hitting an already bleeding knuckle didn't help you to win, but it did hurt your opponent more.
Matt Baines is our class ragger and I showed him this story. At that, he handed me a sour gobstopper. He used to speak complete bollocks about shit that was irrelevant to what the rest of us was talking about. he also once got us suspended for no apparent reason and for that we threw chopped up erasers at him.
Our Patrick Sears was called Shaun Hurren. He used to try and get people to chase him by calling tham names. They didn't chase him though, they punched the fuck out of him. He would then tell his mum and she wud they the police who wud then do nuthing. in fact his beatings were so bad he had to get his mum to be a dinner lady to stop his beatings.Plus, to make the situation even worse he was GINGER.now i personelly wrong with gingers but it appears eveyone else does so naturally he got beaten up anyway but twice as hard.
YAC is Young Archaeologists Club. Michael Whittaker-Axon told us he was a member of it in Year 9. In Year 10, somebody asked him if he was still in YAC and he said yes. To his disapproval, we decided to go on the YAC website and we found a whole load of disturbing weirdness. The most criminal part is Norm the Worm (the YAC mascot) and you have to click on a picture of Norm saying "Dive In!".
prime cockfingering potential
Candyman scared the shit out of the little kids for a week and a bit. Roseanne watched the fil at night and told somebody that if you go up to a mirror in the dark and go 'Candyman, Candyman, Candyman, catch me if you can' then you are haunted. The besty bit was the infants took it really seriously and were scared shitless. The highlight was when a year 1 was crying on the bench and a bigger kid comes over and goes "Dont worry, theres no such thing as the candyman." At this, the kid stopped crying until one of the year 4's ran poast shouting "Yes there is, yes there is!" and started them off again. We had an assembly after that saying that watching films that you are too small to watch is illegal and Roseanne felt guilty. Sher later went on to date Dan Adamson the dump him. He tried to kill himself when that happened.
Our school watched one about railway safety. The dad worked across the road from his house and he used to run over the train track in the morning to get to work quicker. His foolish kids then started to play on the track and his daughter got wiped out by a train. It showed her lying on the track and her face hadf been cut off. The police found out they played on the track cos they saw their dad on it and their mum was pissed off with their dad.
The more intelligent kids would mime picking up the card, looking at it and then saying "There's been a terrible mistake, this card has your name on it. And a little photo of you bumming your dad."
Legend has it that when a man bums another man, he gets a shit stain on his penis named a chocolate lolly (because its "chocloate on a stick" I was told). The best bit is this:
Kid A: Do you like chocloate lollys?
Kid B (assuming Kid A is talking about food): Yeah!
Kid A: You disgusting fuck!
There isnt anything to say really if they saiy no but if you say it to a fat fucker they are hardly going to say no are they?
Kid A: Do you like chocloate lollys?
Kid B (assuming Kid A is talking about food): Yeah!
Kid A: You disgusting fuck!
There isnt anything to say really if they saiy no but if you say it to a fat fucker they are hardly going to say no are they?
Me and my friends formed a band called The Third Reich. It was a mock-fascist band and we played 'crazy freestyle German' which basically meant our lyrics were written in German cos German is a fucking funny language. I think the band finished this half term when we didnt do the fuckloads of rehearsals we were supposed to do.
In primary school, we had an assembly about a serial shitter. He had pooed three times, like a fairy tale. Once on the foor, once in the urinal and once in the sink.
In the end, if was discovered that it was a Year 1 pupil who'd done it, which was a bit of a let-down. We'd previously assumed it was a work of genius, but knowing a five-year-old had done it just seemed childish.
In the end, if was discovered that it was a Year 1 pupil who'd done it, which was a bit of a let-down. We'd previously assumed it was a work of genius, but knowing a five-year-old had done it just seemed childish.
John Doyle - a stereotypical heavy-metal kid with long, greasy hair, unwashed, would have loved Red Dwarf right up to series seven, and who spent ten minutes in front of his wardrobe every morning, deciding which of his 25 identical Motorhead T-Shirts to wear.
- Whilst dating a girl, he was invited to dinner at her parents. Becoming excited, John enquired of his lady companion - "Can you feel my lovebuzz?"
- With the same girlfriend, he went to some forest on her birthday. They were sitting down talking when suddenly, he stands up, cock out, with a boner and shouts "HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He then proceeds to chase girlfriend round the forest with his boner, probably all sped up with 'Yakkety Sax' playing in the background.
- He would only ever phone you whilst taking a shit or having a bath. Which would you prefer? The splash of turd 'gainst wawa? Or the idea that he might be tugging idly at his balls and thinking "HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!"?
- My mate Ray went to John's house. His mother had a French friend over, called Pierre. John didn't know him. When Ray went to use the unlocked toilet, he discovered John's mum and Pierre have a bath together; giggling, soapy, nude and entirely unapologetic. John explained that it happened all the time. Not the bath thing... his mother having friends over.
- On a non-uniform day, Doyle made a T-shirt which was spattered in faux-blood and had "PEOPLE HATE ME" written across the front. There is not one person in any school that could pull off that T-shirt without looking, and being told that they looked, a cunt.
A timless insuly directed at the children in Work Related Learning. When it came to year 10 (the beginning of our GCSE years) the kids who werent that bright were taken out of French lessons and put into Work Related Learning so that is where the insult comes from. Despite the fact that its not really a devastating insult, or that nbobody really cared about French lessons, this insult was a constant reminder to these kids that they didnt fit in. The Work Related Learning kids later got their chance to take out their frustrations on the uber-sapzzy kids who were taken out of half of their lessons and packed off to work in the garden centre.
In an R.E. test about Poverty, one of the questions was "What does CAFOD (a charity) stand for?" Adam Foresti wrote "Cant Afforrd Food Or Drink". The teacher didnt care, probably pleased he came up with something so clever because he wasnt always like that.
One of Brian's responses to 'Big Dave' during a verbal disagreement. Dave was three years younger than us but possibly weighed more than all of us put together.
In the same argument, Brian also said, "Your mum's so thick, she got run over by a parked car."
In the same argument, Brian also said, "Your mum's so thick, she got run over by a parked car."
I don't know if this is already mentioned as it seems to have lots of different names (Tunnel Of Beats, "That thing where you beat the shit out of the one guy", etc) but we called it The Gauntlet. Basically, an equal number of people in each line stand facing opposite each other forming a tunnel. Than one person ran through the tunnel and everyone just beat the shit out of them and the person running the Gauntlet could punch back. This game was obviusly rarely played but James charged people 35p to be in the tunnel when he ran it. The teachers stopped him after they found out he'd made about £5 the previous day getting people to pay to watch him getting punched in the face.
A girl with a 'Good Personality'. Because blokes will only do her (if they do) 'Frombie Hind'.
rimmer50 was an email address set up in year 8 to piss off a kid in my class with a similarly named email address (fuck knows what i was planning to do with it, i cant remember). Anyway, the plan to piss him off stopped after I realised that this email address was attracting serious numbers of emails from hardcore porn sites (about 200-500 new emails a day 90% being porn-at the time we didnt stop to think it may be because of the word 'rimmer' in the name, our friend said he named it after a guy in Red Dwarf). As luck would have it, some of these sites were able to be accessed at school without being filtered. So many a year 8 boy would be sitting inside at lunchtime checking their emails until one day, the password was changed (I decided to share the love and tell people the password if they asked. We found out who changed the password a few months later, he wouldnt tell us the new one, he also claimed that the porn-flow to the inbox had "Dried up". Bastard.