I had the same misinterpretation for several years. The source: my older sister's 70's "horror" book "Flowers in the Attic". On the mostly-black front cover there was the cheery tag-line: "Kidnapped, Raped, Murdered". Beneath this there was a picture of some bloody scissors which, I presumed at the time, were used for raping.

Hello Mrs Murphy
How's your heart and soul
I tried to ride your daughter
I couldn't find her hole

At last I found her hole
Covered by her frock
For fuck's sake Mrs Murphy
I couldn't find my cock.

At last I found my cock
as straight as a pin
For fuck's sake Mrs Murphy
I couldn't get it in

At last I got it in
And waved it all about
Fot fuck's sake Mrs Murphy
I couldn't get it out.

At last I got it out
All sloppy and sore
For fuck's sake Mrs Murphy
your daughter wanted more.

This is kinder to the daughter than the original, giving her a nice frock instead of a hairy fanny, and enquiring into the "heart and soul" of Mrs Murphy before regaling her with the tale of fumbling, wild-eyed sex with her daughter.

It also enjoys a certain level of exasperation with the voraciousness of Mrs Murphy's daughter, who seems unsatisfied with someone sticking it in, panicking, and pulling it out again.

Part of Clarkes Shoes better-thought-out plan for world domination. Realised that children only wanted shoes on the basis that they were 'good for skidding' when it snowed. Looked like Cornish pasties for feet.

1. Brand of orange. The advert's slogan was "small ones are more juicy - naturally" accompanied by jug-heavy Mungo Jerry hit "In The Summertime". Therefore,

2. Thing to say to someone with small but perfectly acceptable breasts.

3. Also can be said post-sex to a man whose small penis has just saturated your duvet, surprising you both. "Why, Mr Patterson! Small ones are more juicy!"

"Naturally," replies Mr Patterson,laughing.

He may have been the most powerful man in the universe, but even He Man was the target of abuse, with this, our version of the cartoon theme tune:

"I have the power to pick up a flower
for half an hour or more"

Sometimes he'd pee on the flower, rather than pick it up. I guess it depended on what kind of day he'd had, fighting Skeletor and that.

Regarding the Monty Python Bok - I also remember the 70's-style tits and bums on the hardback cover. However, I also seem to remember that the central part of the photo was the spottiest arse in world, which reduced the wanking potential of the photo considerably.

This was a word we used to describe erect nipples. I think it was short for "frosty nipples", referring to the way that nipples often stiffen when they get cold.
It is also what Maria Westbrook started calling Samantha Dentley after she noticed that Samantha's nipples were almost always erect - a nickname that was never used by anyone else because we were far more interested in making fun of Maria the Nipple Policelesbian.

The school tricycle? Riding the tricycle, a playtime reward? Are you making this up, A.?

Inverted reproach for lack of courtesy in yourself. Drop the please from any request, and if the subject complies, you may shout "MANNERS!" at the top of your voice, teachers permitting.

On the topic of mother insults, this is possibly the funniest graffito I ever saw written with a black magic marker on the wall of the bus shelter. Here it is, exactly as it was written and punctuated:
Douse your mum smell of fish!
I think she douse!
The writer could have simply stated it as a simple fact, i.e. 'your mum smells of fish'. So why did they instead phrase it as they did?
Perhaps the intent was to give their statement a pantomine-like emphasis by phrasing it as a question and then offering up a retort to any arguments that there might be on the subject, as in: "Your mum smells of fish!" (Response: 'Oh no she doesn't!') "Oh yes she does!"
Or perhaps, it was felt necessary to give the reader the opportunity to contest the statement by phrasing it as a question, then, as if imagining what the reply might be, letting them know prematurly that they intend to stand by their conviction, as in: "Do you think that your mum smells of fish? Because even if you don't, I do.".
Or perhaps there was an ongoing debate that the writer decided to settle right there on the bus shelter wall. "There has been some discussion as to whether or not your mum smells of fish. I have done some investigating - which didn't prove too difficult, as you can smell your mother's fishy stank from some distance. So, in conclusion, yes, your mother does stink of the fish."