A computer character also existed called 'POB', who would obey basic verbs; he could jump, smile and so forth. However, he seemed ever reluctant to eat my shit.

Fatty and Thinny went to the loo,
Fatty did wee wee and Thinny did poo.

Our maths teacher at A-level was a William Phillip Gill. The lack of forethought on the part of his parents was only rivalled by his own. If he'd been a primary school teacher, there'd have been a fair chance that nobody would have twigged that his name was, in fact, Bill Phil Gill.
He had his own theme tune. It rhymed 'Gill' with 'cunt', as I recall.
(I knew someone called Wilfred Wilberforce Willwong at University. Triple Will. He came to England from Trinidad without a faith, studied every religion, and chose Catholicism. Curazy dheys. -Log)

Calling somebody a test tube baby is a great insult; because as well as suggesting that they haven't got a mum, it also proves that their dad likes going to the hospital and wanking into a dirty cup for 5p.
a: "Can you climb up glass?"
b: "No."
a: "Then how did you get out of your test tube? - Is your star sign 'Pyrex'?"

At the beginning of every music lesson we were told to make a composition, and there invariably followed a madcap dash to the end of the corridor where the more expensive keyboards were kept under lock and key. Their appeal lay exclusively in their ability to play 'demo' tracks, utilising every instrument in rendering, for example, the theme from Star Trek or Air On A G-String. When I got my hands on one, I spent the lesson completely engrossed, and when we performed, Pearson played the Beverly Hills Cop, Josh had the chords, and I turned my keyboard off and pretended to play accompaniment on the click-clacks. I got an E, and our teacher died two years later in his classroom, although these two facts aren't connected.

Biff shoes are any utterly unfashionable shoe, preferably large and cumbersome with deep tread soles. So called because of their resemblace to a medical shoe and braces, at the time thought to be worn by people who suffered from spina-bifida.

The rudest thing you can say in french without using your imagination. Translated, it means "go fuck yourself", and is the closest that French has to offer to the great British "fuck".
Simply by learning a few more basic words - including dog, mother, suck, tetraplegic, vodka and full anal - you can do much better.

Can also be jerry-built from a cigarette lighter and a can of Lynx. This had the added bonus of being portable and made everything stink of "Java" or "Africa", depending on whose sports bag you raided.

(If there is a more powerful emetic than the stink of burnt teenage hair and fucking Lynx Java mixed together, I haven’t found it. –Susan)

The name given to trousers that are too short in the leg. Usually worn with white socks by scutters, making the jack ups even more obvious.

Similarly, any response to a cry of "Oi, you've dropped your lipstick" would be enough to prove your gayness. But not for girls, obviously.