Readers! Can you spot anything slightly wrong with this story? Try!
At my school, which was a school for the blind, we played football inside a fenced off area. Occassionaly the ball would go over the fence and as we were all blind we couldn't see where it had landed. To get round that problem, one of us would stay inside the fenced area and the other nine would go to the opposite side as directed by the bloke inside the fence. We would all then lie in a line and roll around on the floor until one of us found the ball. (Or some dog poo).
At my school, which was a school for the blind, we played football inside a fenced off area. Occassionaly the ball would go over the fence and as we were all blind we couldn't see where it had landed. To get round that problem, one of us would stay inside the fenced area and the other nine would go to the opposite side as directed by the bloke inside the fence. We would all then lie in a line and roll around on the floor until one of us found the ball. (Or some dog poo).
Legendary local tramp who seemed to be based in the local scrap metal dealer. Fundamental to the legend of Chicken George is that he was actually a millionaire (honestly, a 17 year old boy with a scooter who hangs around with 12 year old girls says so). We found out later on in life that Chicken George had a Godly omnipresence, or moved around frequently, as he seems to have been the legendary local tramp for schoolchildren covering a twenty-mile radius.
Making sure the board rubber was fully loaded, run up to someone, and start battering the baord rubber with your hand, or batter still, a second, fully loaded, board rubber, producing a cloud of chalk dust which would envelop the unfortunate victim. Skill (the kind in the English non medical dictionary) was required not to suffer blowback.
If blowback does occur, however, take advantage of the situation and have a cartoon fight, in which spectators will only see the occasional arm or leg coming out of the dust cloud as you shout "Ooyah!" and "Take that!"
If blowback does occur, however, take advantage of the situation and have a cartoon fight, in which spectators will only see the occasional arm or leg coming out of the dust cloud as you shout "Ooyah!" and "Take that!"
- Your whole class tries to stand on the playground bench at once on a windy day, arms out-stretched.
- Everyone shouts "WILLY WHISTLERS!"
- Then you all get off again.
A: "What's the most disgusting thing in the world?"
B: "Dunno."
A: "Second hand toilet paper! Do you get it?"
B: "Ha ha! Yes!"
A: "What, you get second hand toilet paper? Is your family so poor you have to use other people's used toilet paper?"
etc.
B: "Dunno."
A: "Second hand toilet paper! Do you get it?"
B: "Ha ha! Yes!"
A: "What, you get second hand toilet paper? Is your family so poor you have to use other people's used toilet paper?"
etc.
Park High School in the '70s. Our music teacher was fat, and he was called Mr Tucker. We retired to the playground, had a twenty minute brainstorming session, in which it was proposed, and eventually agreed, that we should call him Mr Fat Fucker.
(Do re mi so fat you fat fuck! What a fucking fatso! Did anyone have a fat woodwork teacher? - Log)
(Do re mi so fat you fat fuck! What a fucking fatso! Did anyone have a fat woodwork teacher? - Log)
Michael Spencer had to be the fattest teacher ever. Unfortunately there are no amusing incidents relating to his girth.
An impromptu celebration, where colleagues took part in such activities as 'knee kicking', 'gobbing in hoods', and 'throwing people down the stairs'. I stabbed my mate Andy with a compass in maths.
He got sent out the class for screaming in agony, but still asked me to be his best man in later life. Although he was soon divorced, mind.
He got sent out the class for screaming in agony, but still asked me to be his best man in later life. Although he was soon divorced, mind.
After the pope's visit to Wales, our school got the altar. It was left on the school stage under a green tarpaulin, too holy and wondrous to be seen by irreligious children, who'd probably just write 'shit' on it.
One rainy playtime I snuck in and wrote 'shit' on it. I later panicked and returned to cover my crime. I changed it to look like 'ship'.
I lost sleep that night. The capital P at the end of ship was a dead giveaway of an converted t, and when the teachers found it they'd get the Pope back, and he'd proper bollock me.
Next day, I went back one last time and changed it to 'I love shiPs'. This put my mind at rest straight away - that's just the kind of thing the Pope would say. That drugged old cunt loves the ships.
Weeks later someone rearranged the plastic letters on the front of the altar, so they spelled out swear words instead of religious Latin. That Pope doesn't half leave some fucking cheap-arse altars behind him.
Swear words added in the editing process. Direct all Pope-bashing complaints to me, Log. PS your pontiff's a cunt and you secretly know it
One rainy playtime I snuck in and wrote 'shit' on it. I later panicked and returned to cover my crime. I changed it to look like 'ship'.
I lost sleep that night. The capital P at the end of ship was a dead giveaway of an converted t, and when the teachers found it they'd get the Pope back, and he'd proper bollock me.
Next day, I went back one last time and changed it to 'I love shiPs'. This put my mind at rest straight away - that's just the kind of thing the Pope would say. That drugged old cunt loves the ships.
Weeks later someone rearranged the plastic letters on the front of the altar, so they spelled out swear words instead of religious Latin. That Pope doesn't half leave some fucking cheap-arse altars behind him.
Swear words added in the editing process. Direct all Pope-bashing complaints to me, Log. PS your pontiff's a cunt and you secretly know it
The nickname of a thin lad called Neil. Also the warcry used before all his colouring pencils were snapped in two (usually inches from his face). Neil could be calmed from his ensuing rage if you pointed out that he now had twice as many pencils and that he could use a smaller pencil case.