granny's garden
"Ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner ner NER ner,
ner ner ner ner NER ner,
ner ne ner ne nernenernener..."
Exciting, futuristic BBC computer game which put you in first person mode to do stuff like feed 4 dragons, one of whom wouldn't eat doughnuts, one of whom had to have an apple, that sort of thing. Can't remember much else about it, other than;
a)anything on the computer was brilliant and therefore GG must have been brilliant
b)the ear-fuckingly loud music (see above) that indicated that some arse-licker was getting a go on the computer while you were still reading The Village With Three Fucking Corners.
written by Su*an *ob*cco, approved by Log

Dread Dragon Droom, in which a capitalist bastard of a wizard invited you in for cakes and then demanded gold, was another BBC educational classic. A thrilling and absorbing game, combining vivid graphics with terrifying sound effects.

Inexplicably, when I downloaded it from the Internet the other day it was crap, blocky, and annoying.

All educational games began by asking you your name, which was obviously open to abuse.

"What do you want to do now, Fuck?"
> yes please


written by Pa*l Equ*no* C*lli*s, approved by Susan

Also featured a section where you were looking at a house with the word FIG painted on the side of it. Gameplay was as follows:

There is a secret word on the house. Do you know what it is?

> Knob

No, that's not it.

> Cock

No, the word is on the house in big blue letters.

> Shit

No, the word is FIG.

> Bum

No, the word is FIG.

And so forth ad infinitum.

There's so much more that was wrong with this game. It could be a page all of its own.
written by Ph*l C*ttera*l, approved by Phil

'There is a man with a triangle on his head with the number 2 on it. What's the password?'
It was 2.
written by D *, approved by Log

"Can you see a cave?"

> no.

"Yes you can. Do you want to go into the cave?"

> No.

"Yes you do."

A triumph of interactivity. Oh, and the final stage had a map where certain paths caused death for no apparent reason.
written by Ph*l Cat*erall, approved by Susan

A computer character also existed called 'POB', who would obey basic verbs; he could jump, smile and so forth. However, he seemed ever reluctant to eat my shit.
written by an*ny*ous*user, approved by Log

written by Ph*l C*tter*ll, approved by Log

I was the sad child who dilligently worked out the order in which to feed the dragons to beat the puzzle in the fewest number of moves. I still remember it today: Buns, Lollies, Oranges, Chocolate (or BLOC). You may commence the wedgies.
written by Ro* McM*eki*, approved by Log

It was Podd - not Pob. Pob was a totally gay puppet-like retard that was on Channel 4 at some ungodly hour on a Sunday morning. Who used to spit on the screen and write his name on it. Fact.

Podd, and of this fact I am convinced, was a complete bender, and a irrefutable dicksplash (qv). Try Podd can "explode". Twice. Then hit "Break", bung Chuckie Egg or Elite in your Cumana disk drive, and play all night, pausing only to burn the disk with "Podd" on it.
written by Ma*t For*es, approved by Susan

The order for the dragon's food was BLOC, or Buns, Lollies, Oranges, Crisps.

I'll remember that acronym till the day that I die.
written by Ed*Ar*ita*e, approved by Susan