Report for Davy .
Approved stories14
Pending stories (hidden) 1
Rejected stories (hidden) 5
Deleted stories (hidden) 11
SummaryShows promise

fourth the golden eagle, fifth the witch, in the ditch, eating bread and treacle. This was pathetic, and made no sense to any of us. No-one gave a shit about being fourth or fifth to be honest.

Someone gave me a link to a picture on steakandcheese.com of a woman with a fork in her 'front bottom.' Is that the type of thing you're after?

I think you'll find that french ducks say 'quang.'

On a lighter note, french dogs say 'waf waf'. They don't say the phonetically similar 'wife wife', although it would be folly to imagine that a dog would be able to make such a distinction.

Courtney and Jennifer only love each other 24%, which just goes to show, logic is not to be trusted. Maybe its more successful if the entire 'Loves' is in their name, an example being 'John Lovestein.'
This man might not exist.

This is clearly a lie. Courtney and Jennifer love each other 85%. Please don't resort to such tabloid-style muck slinging, we're a respectable website. Tsk. - Phil

Well, if Jennifer was only spelt with one E as I, quite rightly in my mind, presumed, THEN they would only love each other the 24%.

Well, this isn't a hole that is easy to dig my way out of. I hang my head in shame.

My first ever detention, year 4. What for? Dunking an apple in my chocolate milk. A strange, strange, reason to punish one so young.

Next, year 8, writing 'fuck' in an essay on pirates. Pirates DO say "Fuck"! Good examples are: 'fuckin land ahoy' and 'yarrrr me fucker.' and 'fuckin shiver me fuckin timbers.'
They. DO.

Wearing Lotto trainers made one girl in our school the 'Lotto Monster' for quite some time. No-one had much against her bar that.

Some kid in the year below pissed right up himself, all over his jumper and in his own face, trying to beat me! He pissed in his own face!
I was the best in our first school at this, cos I'm well tall. I heard once that I'd managed to get a little bit of piss on the ceiling one time, but I think someone got a little over excited (as you would) and made that bit up.

Mood rings magically display the temperature of the wearer I'm afraid. It's always blue. Thrillingly, a good dose of Lynx will turn them temporarily black, and will strip the fake silver from the ring in the next couple of days.


I don't really want to add anything to this over-elongated list, but I do want you all to know just how much I hate how wrong you all are.

During Commandos, the computer game,the soldiers will say schnell, but also something that sounds like 'Uncle Lester'. This has been part of my German vocabulary for years now, although no-one knows what it means. PS - please help

It's 2011, now. Surely someone can be arsed to download an emulator, play this game, then report back? I know I can't.

Go to the British Blind Sport website for the lowdown on lots of blind sports, including football.
By far the best blind game is goalball, however - I saw it on TV a while ago, but had completely forgotten it until just now.
This, people, is GOALBALL!!!

One of the large windows of our third floor french classroom was pushed out and onto the ground as a result of a wasp assassination plot which went badly wrong. This was even better than it sounds, because when Ian smashed the large textbook into the window, he did so under direct orders from our teacher. An evil insect died, an entire class of children got to watch a large piece of glass get smashed, and the teacher had no-one to blame but himself. Absolutely bloody marvellous.

A game to play when you're bored. It looks like you're really interested in what the teacher has to say. But in reality, you're just waiting for him to say "put your hands up" so that you can all mutter "my arse" afterwards.

With a good enough mental library of double entendres, just about anything the teacher says can be followed with "my arse", with hilarity inevitably ensuing.

Oh, and Mr Jones, once you've realised just how immature your class really is, moaning 'oh come on...' isn't really going to help matters.