10 print "hello" 20 goto 10
Fundamental BASIC programming for home computers. An advanced variation was 10 print "Fuck Off" 20 goto 10, and real gurus would put a semi-colon after the closing speech marks.
written by , approved by Matt

Sorry to be a real fucking nerd, sorry, guru, but in actual fact that's still only half the story. A true professional will minimise the time at the keyboard to avoid detection, and contract the code onto one line, with a colon.

Additionally, there should be a space at the end of the quote, otherwise you end up with "fuck offfuck offfuck..", which, while undeniably rude, is also somewhat nonsensical.

If you are a true genius, you'll know that the screen is 80 characters across, so " fuck off " (being 10 characters) arranges into neat columns, just like "fuck off" did.

Debate rages as to the virtue of neat columnisation; it does appear to freeze the screen when you run out of space, but the irregular thrashing about of a nine-wide string is a more eye-catching blur as it scrolls by, only becoming legible once the teacher strikes the required control-break key combination. Sort of like an insult time-bomb.


My refined type-and-run stunt would be:


Modern pupils please note, this doesn't work from a DOS prompt.

Although you could put the following on the end of AUTOEXEC.BAT:

@echo off
goto 1
written by excluded pupil, approved by Phil

Oh, please. Amateurs. You want *real* nerdy?
Before entering the program, you'd type:
*KEY 10 "OLD |M RUN |M"
This would ensure that the 'Escape' key was disabled, and that upon pressing 'Break', the program would be restored, and run once again. This would render the program invincible!!
Well, until someone used Ctrl-Break, or turned the machine off. The thought was there.
written by Jo* Top*er, approved by Log

My version of this solved the columns problem, keeping it eyecatching in a different way
*FX 13,6
10 MODE 2
20 COLOUR RND(7)+1
40 GOTO 20

And other variations thereof. Including bringing in a copy of Superior Software's Speech program and adding 35 IF RND(10) = 1 THEN *SAY FUCK OFF

No-wonder I was always beaten up for being a geek.
written by Lu* X, approved by Susan

Could also be used in various electrical chain stores (at least in the days before password protected screen savers), where the kids knew more about the computers than the assistants; i.e., all of them.
written by an*ny*ous *se*, approved by Susan

All I ever discovered was that "2B: REGISTER" had the same number of characters as "GAMMON FLAPS". Equipped with this knowledge and the BBC Micro's trusty *BREAK* key, we wreaked havoc on our teacher's proudest new program, which he unveiled in front of the entire class. I was grassed up within twenty seconds.
written by excluded pupil, approved by Susan

In the event that you had a clueless teacher and a strict programming deadline to meet, consider this program;
10 REM This is our program
20 REM The rest of it is hidden
30 REM unless you have the password
40 REM -----------
We convinced our teacher that we had infact written things into the program which stopped "LIST" working.
After a week of trying to get around this, our teacher had completely forgotten about the original program, and came back to us saying that he'd given us top marks for amazingness.
written by Ku*g F*o, approved by Susan