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SummaryPerfectly Exquisite

Arises from the magnificent birthday poem written to celebrate Jamie Hutchison's birthday. It went as follows: "Today's the day Your dad is gay But don't be sad Lick some girl's pad." This gave rise to the saying "At least my dad's not gay", which could win you an argument when reason - as it so often does - fails. Alarming fact: it was Jamie's 16th birthday.

The unbelievable but true name of an Australian who attempted the World Rolling Record in St. Albans. This involved rolling around the field, egged on by his colleagues. Egging on consisted of friendly kicks to the back.

(We had one teacher, who was especially slow to notice, and coupled with our sliding of the whiteboard just out of his reach, he would break down into tears. His name was Phylis.)

A 'dangly-greenie' was some greened hock which could be spit out slowly and dangled from the mouth (generally over the face of your victim) which had enough flexibility to be sucked up and down at will. Competitions for the longest dangly-greenie were held regularly - if you could let it touch the ground and then suck it back up, you were a master-dangler.

This was the rather arbitrary name given to new boy Edward Coyde, in year 5, for no reason other than the quickfire cruelty of Mark Birch. The name never caught on, and boy was reduced to tears, but as a happy upshot Mark and Edward quickly became friends. I read in the paper recently that Birch had died in a car crash, whilst being driven by... Edward Coyde, who survived.

Mnemonic that would help you remember the notes of the treble clef. You could also go with Every Girls Breasts Deserve Fucking, if you were a proper lad who didn't want to think about gays and fudge.

The gaps between the lines of the stave, going upwards, spelled out face. Fuck A Chinaman's Ear never really took off, because the word FACE doesn't really need a mnemonic.

If you ever needed to learn the notes of the Alto Clef, you were probably a bit too into music to be childish about clefs. Which is a shame, because it looks like a big arse.

First the worst / Second the best / Third the one with the hairy chest
Fourth the king / Fifth the queen / Sixth the one in the washing machine.
In this version, finishing third is even more desirable than second to boys, so any boy winning a race would stop just before the finish, and wrestle two of his opponents over the line before him. Girls unable to finish in the first two places would have to slow down and settle for fifth. The sixth position carried no real threat, however, as any cries of "you're the one in the washine machine" could be met with the unarguable comeback, "no, I'm not".

Insult currently in use amongst 5-6 year olds. They simply like the sound of it, and are probably not even aware that it is a highly sophisticated conjunction of the words 'gay' and 'Flymo'.

the box The area at the end of a wooden prefab classroom which housed the electricity meters, about four feet square and three feet deep with wooden slated doors. At lunchtimes a small child was locked inside the box by sliding a stick through the handles. Afterwards, the stick was stored inside the box for later use. Several dozen 'classmates' would then spit through the gaps in the wooden slats. Attempts to get out of the box were akin to an enraged bear trying to get out of a cage, and most victims were generally reduced to tears after about 10 minutes. Some adopted a policy of no resistance but this largely resulted in them spending the rest of the lunch hour in there and emerging at the end, sometimes literally dripping with saliva. Particularly unpleasant during the winter months when colds were prevalent. see also kiddy in the middle

I think this is American - I've never heard it said in an English accent. It's best said in a really angry american comic who smoke's voice. However, the Rocky Shore Pervert does give a perfect

The infamous statement made by the hottest girl in our entire school in front of all of my friends. Within five seconds my trousers were on the ground. Luckily she followed through, otherwise my all time greatest achievement could easily have been the most embarrasing moment of my life.

A variant of football in which the pursuit of goals was scorned in favour of nutmegging* the weakest child, who would then become the gaylord until he could touch the oak tree, which stopped you being gay. Sounds easy? Well, the only thing is, when you're the gaylord, everyone has to kick you, trip you up, and generally stop you getting to the tree.

The only lesson in which it is possible to make death stars, and burn the ceiling with welding equipment.

Another version of the retort to 'pack it in' followed the usual line of 'Pakis don't come in tins', and went on to add 'they come in banana boats'. Any adults listening would have been so charmed by the innocent innacuracy of the comment, that the naive bigotry just seemed sweet.

This was called a Cascade form and you did indeed do the above. I was told that I should be a Gold and Silver Jewellery Maker. I now work as an Internet Manager.

Over all the streets and houses
Rain-bones flying high.
Shoot the little Cheese-man's children,
Kill them till they die.
Over all the streets and houses,
Rain-bones turned to green.
3-4 Methelyn-dioxy-
Shall we go and Napalm Browntown,
With a chickens head?
Why has mr Tidmann got a small boy,
With him in his bed?
Mr Tidmann was an RE teacher, who had once said 'everyone goes through a homosexual phase. I know I have.'

Natalie Nicholson did a poo How many dollops did she do? 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9" etc...

The inability of English teachers to explain how Shakespeare or Chaucer could possibly be useful reading material is matched only by the pupils' inability to explain, in terms that English teachers accept, why it isn't. An impossible situation that will continue as long as there is oil in the earth.

Knew too much about rainbow kissing to be right.

The damp build up of sweat that forms in the arse crack of Farah wearing post pubic boys sitting on plastic chairs in hot summer classrooms ,"Soup, sir?" "Certainly, a possible broth if this heat carries on."

No description required - it's just a cool word.

Go up to an S.U. kid, face full of innocence and concern, and say "Jonfun, what are you still doing here?" On sighting the blank(er) expression, say "Didn't you hear the fire bell? We've all got to go home!". A few more "Go on!"'s should be enough to get him thru the gate. The terrible thing? They never even noticed he'd gone.

Yet another no-win scenario. Yes - then run around dancing, singing - you are happy, you are gay. If they say no, run around, dancing, singing - you weren't born with a penis - you are gay.

The shortest most descriptive term for the sounds a deaf person makes when undergoing an orgasm.

"Me chinese, Me play joke, Me do wee wee in your coke" Similar game. Punchline was, however, the above rhyme. The additional humour here is derived from the general knowledge that chinese people spend the majority of their time weeing into each other's soft drinks.