I love this. I love the eg to show us how it should be used properly.

Genius. Mr Burt, you are a GENIUS.

eg. Rob Bellend

That'll be a NOUN then? Publish it, but change it to "eg. I, Rob Burt, am the biggest fucking BELLEND in the ENTIRE British Cunting Isles.

I hate you Rob Burt

Tig. My most favourite school game. eg. "Let's play Tig".

THIS IS MINE

My most favoured school insult.

eg. You Bellend.

This common comeback to an insult was unfortunatly used by a girl in my class when a remark was made about her giving oral pleasure to another boy in the class.
This is a warning to others to never use the term "that was bellow the belt" to anything sexual.

An overweight smoker of a science teacher, most of my and 80% of our years abuse was centred on this guy. All started as one day when he was showing some parents round his belly hung out of his trousers, from there on various attempts to break him were put into action.

This included writing "You Fat Twat" on a pencil and trying to place it in his pocket with out him seeing, sticking notes on his back, with the original "You Fat Twat" and the best putting glue on a lunch box, placing it in the middle of the floor and wait till he picks it up, thus unleashing a roar of laughs and "You Fat Twat" chants.

It was 'Chinny Reckon', not 'Chinny Rack-On' It was often uttered whilst slapping your chin, or stroking an ever growing invisible chin beard.

*BELM*

An alternative to "durr". Said in classic spacka pose with tongue pushed out against bottom lip. "Belm". Similar to "Jimmy Hill" (rubbing chin) and "Chinny Rack-On", in that they denotes the feeling that someone is talking shit.

The local special school near us was called Belmont school... (it's in Rossendale, Lancs)and so i always presumed that's where the name name belm/belmer/belmington etc came from . . however it's usage seems to spread far and wide, begging the question,
which came first.. the Belmont or the Belm?

A surname that can be adapted to a form of psychological torture through incessant questioning. Examples: "Have you got a belt on, Belton?", "Why haven't you got a belt on, Belton?". Used over a period of years this will cause severe trauma for the child in question.

Nobody quite knows what sparks bens firey temper but we know that the results are not to be missed. We used various methods to spark this fuse that led to bens temper exploding such as the following:

Firecracker between the legs - In theory was funny, but results were varied on the day.

Moving the balls during a game of pool - Ben + Poolcue = after watershed style violence. Threaten him back and he'll switch to tears mode and storm out of the common room

Tell Ben that you'd like to wash his mothers poon - Technically a lie but we have heard that his mum is a MILF somewhat


Stare at a spot on his face - Not just restricted to Ben but a personal favourite


Naturally we were reported and told to stop sparking his temper, but we KNEW lecturers found it just as hilarious as we did. Did we leave him alone? Did we fuck

A rather geeky oversized boy for the year who was desperate to be liked told everyone that Hubba Bubba made him hyperactive therefore he was'nt allowed any. Consequently he was ribbed with "yeah Jimmy Hill" and chin stroking actions. Frustrated at being mocked he went to the local corner shop at dinnertime and bought about 5 packs of Hubba Bubba in assorted flavours. With an "I'll show you lot" he started putting one after the other in his mouth then after about 5 seconds started rolling his eyes back as if he'd just taken a hit of smack then proceeded in sprinting round the playground flailing his arms about screaming giving the occasional skips in between sprinting.........Brutal Ridicule ensued....and quite rightly so!

Several of my friends still continue to ring Ben Borg (or, to be more precise, his parents) at 4 in the morning and singing the words "Ben Borg is gay!" to the tune of "Auld Lang Syne" until they hang up. Pretty funny and harmless as far as pranks go, except that we all left college a while back, and this has been happening, on and off, for about 5 or 6 years: his dad threatened to break someone's legs a couple of years back, but I still don't think they're sure that it's us.
Despite all this, I met these people at university, so still have no idea who ben borg actually is. Apart from that he's gay, obviously.

Tiny little bundle of tragedy. Confided in a friend that his "bollocks weren't working". Spread like wildfire around the playground within minutes, and whenever I see him around town now, he always gives me a look as to say 'Please don't bring that up again'.

Mind you, he did have a haircut which was a cross between a mullet and something resembling a beaver's tail, so he deserved everything he got.

Cunting fucking christ.

Game played by usually 2 people, or more if they choose not to move off the bench

2 people wud both sit on a bench, and try and push the other person off the other side onto the floor just using the strength. If one of the contestants arses lifts off the bench then they lose.

Much more fun wen theres a 3rd or even 4th person/people sitting in the middle where u can both squash the middle people until they either move or cry. Games of upto 10 people werent uncommon...also sumtimes bags of the contestants were launched at said contestants heads to put them off

An imaginary card that you never knew you had until you are informed that you have dropped it. An instinctive glance at the ground is then instant proof that you are a member of this exclusive club.

"Benders' Warning!". This was shouted in the changing rooms and dormitories of my junior school to announce the removal of underpants i.e. if you are a bender look away now. If anyone turned around to look at you, that meant they were bender and deserved to be suitably punished. qv similar announcements: “Rien” and “Juice”.

I always thought this was a strictly our-school-only term for a botty bandit until I googled it today and found someone selling t-shirts with it on. I suppose it could have been specially commissioned by David Burns of my class, who has written in his Friends Reunited entry, "Yes, you were right. I really was a bendy Herman and I still am". I like to imagine him wearing his special shirt on gay pride marches in case he runs (or possibly sashays) into any old school friends.

Anyone else used to scour the school to nick bendy pencils at lunchtimes? I can't work out why they are cool now, but there seemed to be an endless supply hidden everywhere in the school. Everyone used to forget there pencils and pens on purpose just so they could gain a fabled green Bendy pencil. But 5 minutes into the lesson all pencils receved were broken as we proceded to try and bend them more than our friends could. Dang where did the world's supply of them dissapear too? Probably the big bin in the sky.

or "Scopers can be cool too"

There must exist, amongst spaccers, a certain hierachy. For example, the quality of wheelchair driven by the scoper, from the humble helper powered to the mighty electric, with transparent plastic decor and capable of up to 4 mph, would reflect upon their social standing. Likewise, I would imagine those capable of speech consider themselves superior to those who cannot. Actions speak louder than words, as they say, and it was a massively belming scoper who once showed me just how cool a spastic could be.

During braktimes the special needs would always, due to their restricted speed, be last to leave the building. As they trundled to the playground, the group was met with a chorus of belms, moans and flid impressions. This never drew a reaction from anyone but the helpers, or so we thought. After a term of this mockery, one young spastic had decided that something had to be done about it. But what? A witty put down was beyond his oral ability, likewise any coordinated hand gesture.

And so, one day, I was treated to a sight that will forever remind me of the aptitude of the disabled. As he rolled slowly back to class, this unnamed hero had lowered his trousers and pressed his flaccid, milky white buttocks against the clear plastic window of his wheelchair, giving us a painfully slow review of his behind. This was greeted with shock, silence, and averted eyes from his harrasers. He had mooned us, and he had won.

An economical and comical way of judging a person's entire personality, attractiveness, intelligence, coolness and popularity in a couple of simple steps. The criterion is simple: The more sharply curved the back of your head is the gayer you are.
a. Get someone unpopular and tell them they need to have their Bengle measured.
b. Gently place hand vertically on back of "Benglee's" head cupping the cranial curve.
c. Remove hand.
d. As Benglee turns to asess his parabolic result, narrow the "cup" to an impossibly narrow arch.
e. Feigning disbelief, show the assembled "Bengle Jury" the freakish yet indisputable evidence of Benglee's gayness.
f. At this stage the Bengle Jury may give credence to the verdict by measuring each others' Bengles which all turn up beautifully shallow curves.
g.By now Benglee will be saying things like,"EH! NEE WAY!" (if from Tyneside) and be demanding some kind of appeal procedure to save him from the "Bengler's Sentence".
h.The infinitely merciful Bengler now offers the Benglee a "way out" of his malaise by offering to measure his "Mal",or forehead curve. Excited by the chance of a reprieve Benglee always agrees.
i. Place hand gently on Benglee's forehead and then push hard, propelling him over a crouching member of the Bengle Jury.
j. The rest of the Bengle Jury may then exercise their rights as concerned citizens by joining in in a good old Darkie's Circle around the prostrate Benglee. (Preferably adding a soundtrack to the beating in the form of the riff from J.Geils's "Angel is a Centrefold" done entirely in "NAHs".)

Having a 'benny' is the same as throwing a wobbly. Also known as: Having a merve, having a spastic.

Boy 1 says "Are you a benny tied to a tree?"
Boy 2 replies "No"
Boy 1 points at boy 2 and shouts "AAAHHHH BENNY ON THE LOOSE!!"

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Benson was the butler in Soap. He was so loved in America for being a servile black man surrounded by his white betters, that he got his own series. So, if you asked anyone for a favour, they would comply grudgingly, and say "just call me Benson".

John: Steven, could you pass me that book?
Steven: Tch, for God's sake. Just call me Benson, why don't you?

At some stage, this developed into a full rendition of the theme tune to Soap, whenever anyone was asked to do anything.

An individual who has just carried out a helpful act for someone else. Derived from the TV character of the same name.

At our secondary school, a widely used saying was "Just call me Benson." This was from the character in the TV comedy Soap, who was the wealthy family's butler. An example of this would be...

John: Steven, could you pass me that book?
Steven: For God's sake, just call me Benson, why don't you?

This then developed, with people singing the theme tune to Soap, whenever ANYONE was asked to do ANYTHING.

On a trip to a local outdoor retreat centre in the Pennines one of the boys in the lower years suffered one of the most sickening injuries i've ever heard of. While sleeping and probably dreaming about big busumed women the boy developed a huge erection and rolled over. The tent pole in his pants then snapped an he awoke howling in pain. He was left pissing blood for a few days before the teachers agreed to put him out of his misery and send him home. The exact details of what happened to him are still a bit sketchy but needless to say he soon left our school.

Ben Watt quickly learned to write his name with the smallest possible space between the words, to prevent a couple of 'T's being squeezed in there.

My moment of greatest enlightenment at school came the day I was told that 'berk' is actually an abbreviated piece of cockney rhyming slang for 'Berkshire Hunt'. It was especially heartwarming because 'berk' was always one of my upright and very proper parents' favourite terms used to describe conveyers of mild thoughtlessness or stupidity. I still smirk when I hear them use it, but you it's not worth telling them now. Is it?