Drunken defecation
A boarding school poo and booze story. What more could one want?
Colin, the school loser, thought he'd celebrate a boarding school weekend by holding a party for himself in his study with a bottle of spirits. He partied hard that night, did Colin.
Harry found him. It was the horrendous niff in the toilet block that aroused our initial suspicions. Upon closer inspection, a flaccid, pale leg was seen poking out from the bottom of one of the cubicles.
The door was pushed open to find a half-naked unconscious Colin and an oozing mixture of piss, shit and vomit gradually fanning out across the floor. Well, there’s only one thing to do in such circumstances. We got a camera and took a whole roll of film.
Somehow, Colin got wind of the forthcoming poster production, and he tore Harry's dorm to pieces, destroying every roll of film he could find including the incriminating one. However, instead of hushing up the event, this act of desperation just added to the legend. Before long, everybody knew about it, and Colin’s status as school loser was set in imperishable crystal for future generations to admire.
Colin, the school loser, thought he'd celebrate a boarding school weekend by holding a party for himself in his study with a bottle of spirits. He partied hard that night, did Colin.
Harry found him. It was the horrendous niff in the toilet block that aroused our initial suspicions. Upon closer inspection, a flaccid, pale leg was seen poking out from the bottom of one of the cubicles.
The door was pushed open to find a half-naked unconscious Colin and an oozing mixture of piss, shit and vomit gradually fanning out across the floor. Well, there’s only one thing to do in such circumstances. We got a camera and took a whole roll of film.
Somehow, Colin got wind of the forthcoming poster production, and he tore Harry's dorm to pieces, destroying every roll of film he could find including the incriminating one. However, instead of hushing up the event, this act of desperation just added to the legend. Before long, everybody knew about it, and Colin’s status as school loser was set in imperishable crystal for future generations to admire.
written by Ba*ry*Bull*t, approved by Matt
By contrast, my poorly funded state school experience of a similar incident occurred on a trip to France. It wasn't the hum of cack and puke that attracted us to Stephen Bell's unconscous, drunken body. It was the smell of Johnny Buchannon setting fire to his hair.
Poor kids eh? we should feel sorry for them, really.
Poor kids eh? we should feel sorry for them, really.
written by To*y G*een, approved by Mansh
Wayne was entirely sober on our school trip to France, being only 10 years old. However, that didn't stop him from laying an enormous log in the bidet, which was removed the next day by an enraged Mr Strudwick.
written by Sw*den*So*r, approved by Ponky
During our school exchange visit to France, a day trip was organised to a seaside town. Five of us snuck off and bought loads of cheap froggy beer and wine and set about quaffing it.
Being a cunt, Jonathan Evenett got drunk and tried to snog a (male) French lifeguard on the beach.
"But they all do it in France!" was his feeble defence.
As if that wasn't sad enough, Jonathan then tried to snog one of the ships officers on the way home, resulting in our entire school being banned from P&O ferries.
He'd only had half a shandy.
Being a cunt, Jonathan Evenett got drunk and tried to snog a (male) French lifeguard on the beach.
"But they all do it in France!" was his feeble defence.
As if that wasn't sad enough, Jonathan then tried to snog one of the ships officers on the way home, resulting in our entire school being banned from P&O ferries.
He'd only had half a shandy.
written by Da* S*it*, approved by Mansh
We were 14 and on a school trip in Italy. What else is there to do during the evening in a hotel other than sit on a balcony and get wasted on a bottle of Southern Comfort? We thought that as there were ten of us, we wouldn't get that pissed.
Just after we'd finished the bottle, another pupil rushed in to report that checks were being carried out by the teachers, including the dreaded smelling of the breath test. Cue a mad rush to the bathroom to fill our mouths with toothpaste. Apart from Baldeep, that is, who ate a load of Clearasil instead. He laughed about it at first, but retired to bed and spent the next 8 hours lying in a seething swamp of his own shit, puke and piss.
The look on Mr Brough's face when he discovered why Baldeep refused to leave his room the next day will stay with me forever. That and the chorus of "What's that smell?" when Baldeep was finally forced onto the coach.
He should have stuck to Biactol.
Just after we'd finished the bottle, another pupil rushed in to report that checks were being carried out by the teachers, including the dreaded smelling of the breath test. Cue a mad rush to the bathroom to fill our mouths with toothpaste. Apart from Baldeep, that is, who ate a load of Clearasil instead. He laughed about it at first, but retired to bed and spent the next 8 hours lying in a seething swamp of his own shit, puke and piss.
The look on Mr Brough's face when he discovered why Baldeep refused to leave his room the next day will stay with me forever. That and the chorus of "What's that smell?" when Baldeep was finally forced onto the coach.
He should have stuck to Biactol.
written by St*fan*Morsl*y, approved by Matt