Clim Clofwell's Dodgems
Many parsimonious mothers make their children items of clothing - the baggy jumper of comedy folklore. Clim's mum went one further and made him a pair of shoes. This wasn't quite as mental as it sounds, as she worked in a shoe factory, but the soles that she took from there were several sizes too big for Clim's feet. Accordingly, all around the uppers was a good inch of sole, and Clim Clofwell's dodgems were born.
Needless to say, Clim hated the shoes with a passion, but they proved to be absolutely indestructible. He left them out in the garden for 2 weeks whilst away on holiday; they went mouldy, but still would not die.

Clim ended up as the victim of a strange man under a bridge in Leicester who looked on whilst Clim was forced to strip, and then put on an enormous pair of white Y-fronts. I'm not sure what part his home-made shoes played in this sordid episode.
written by Ri* Mac*ich*n-Bur*e, approved by Matt