Raymond Blewett's boast that he could dance the Sailors'Hornpipe was presumably intended to attract admiration and respect. What it attracted was many, many boys and girls who would force him again and again to perform the ridiculous maritime farce throughout all breaks and dinnertimes for weeks afterwards while they surrounded and baited the unfortunate sea-cadet.
It became such a common sight to see the silly cunt Hornpiping away in the playground that non-participants in the goading would spare him little more than a passing glance.
Weekends brought no respite, he would be seen in the shopping centre or the park, tears of embarassment streaming down his face, hornpiping for all he was worth while his tormentors showered him with food containers and spit.
He became so conditioned to it that any aggressive shout in his direction would set him off.
Things were brought to a head after one traumatic breaktime when the Gripper Jenkins gang forced him to do it with his knob out - a variation that the original composer may or may not have contemplated - it began well enough but further elaborations caused the boys tether to snap and he screamed 'I can't do the Hornpipe and wank at the same time!' before charging at his tormentors, windmill fashion and screaming like a Kamikaze pilot.
His rage blinded him to the fact that a teacher was on patrol and the screaming expletives - and the fact he still had his knob out - earned him a visit to the school counsellor who advised him to leave the sea cadets and try and meet a nice girl.

Bob McBride