Phantom Shitter
They sought him here, they sought him there but the phantom shitter was always one step ahead of the posse.

It began in the October I think, the location was a horticultural college in Kent. The modu operandi varied but the result was always the same. The shock discovery of a turd in places where you really didn't want to make such a discovery. The first discovery was made in an empty bath (on reflection I think this is worse than a full bath)in one of the girls' bathrooms. The choice of this target was inspired, the outrage and gossip the act generated already meant that the Phantom Shitter had attained legendary status. The folowing months were to cement his (or her) place in history.

Over the next few months turds began appearing at random times and in random locations. Often they were contained in a tupperware container, or they were left on a deliberately cleared surface (so to heighten the aesthetic impact one would suspect). The actions stopped in as sudden manner as they started. The strtange thing is that once it stopped, we all missed the anticipation of the next discovery. And no, it was not I and we never did discover who it was. The Phantom Shitter, will however be a part of all of those who experienced it forever. Today, I see it as a kind of performance art.
written by Mo*key *right, approved by Mansh

The phantom shitter struck in our school too. After laying a few hum-drum journeyman turds on toilet floors and in storage cupboards, he topped off his career by shitting off a lighting platform in the rafters off our huge assembly hall. The hall - called "Big School" for some reason - is where the end of the film "Clockwise" with John Cleese was shot. To this day I find the mental image of a poo falling thirty feet onto rows of plastic chairs funnier than the entire film.
written by an*nymo*s *ser, approved by Rosy