Swing low, Mr Woodyatt
One of our woodwork teachers, Mr Woodyatt, was so overcome by how god-awful our school was, that he took positive measures and hung himself.
This cleverness of this song, noting both the similar scan of "Mr Woodyatt" to "Sweet Chariot", and tying in the reference to the swinging actio of the recently hung, was not noted by the other teachers, who bollocked us.
Legend had it that he didn't compose the rope properly the first time, and came to earth with a a thud. He got it right next time round though, avoiding another bruised coccyx and neatly snapping his neck. Well done, Mr Woodyatt!
written by excluded pupil, approved by Log

Our headmaster's wife had the misfortune to commit suicide by hanging herself in the bathroom just around the time that the song Hanging on a Rope by Rocket From The Crypt was in the charts. Being a headmaster, Mr Williams had absolutely no knowledge at all about pop culture, and therefore had no idea why, wherever he went in the school, every kid he encountered was whistling the same tune. Looking back, it's probably just as well he had no idea.
written by ja*e ha*dca*tle, approved by Matt