I have my paws all over this one

having gone to primary school in rural ireland, I fancy many of the follo0wing stories may be worthless to the site, worthless to the potential reader, and generally just poop. So in the spirit of pithyness, I submit my tales:

1: A local kid called Kieran Quealy appeared in school very cut up (literally - about the face and arms) after a few days absence. He claimed that he had been in a car crash. However, his sister managed to eventually blow the whistle, to reveal that he had attmepted to skateboard over his house using a simple planks-and-milkbottle crates ramp, which admittedly must have *pointed* over his house, but was only 5-6 feet long and at the bottom of a large hill. It faced a pair of PVC double glazed patio doors on the ground story of the 2 story domicile. Naturally, his inertia knocked the ramp asunder and he flew through these doors, to a pointy meeting with choppy nasty sharp bits.

proto Jackass, really. If only he had a DV camera. Not really an example of playground law though, is it?

Must think...

2: my school was composed of a number of interesting genetic specimens from the hills, deliverance style inbred kida with rotten teeth and common deformities ;-). respected and feared by all, one of my undying memories of them is one of them, after impaling his leg on a length of wrought iron through an ill judged soccer tackle at the edge of the playing field, proceeded to chase everyone around the school with the resultant, gory, blood squirting wound... scary.

But that's crap too, isn't it? oh well, one more... and this IS playground law...

3: though it beggars belief, my school, a poor national school in the arse end of nowhere, had a design flaw. Basically, the sewage main for the adjacent houseing estate went under the playground at a depth of only two feet or so. In distant memory, someone dropped a breezeblock on the thing, and it split, showering poop, papier mache de toilette, and condoms across the yard.

it then proceeded to flow out of the strangeley - landscaped playground, which consisted of steps and levels, by a highly circuitious route, thus making the entire school environs a health hazard, and necessitating a day off. Imagine the delight!

So basically, when the ground thawed and softened in the spring, there'd always be THAT day, when someone would remember the sewage trick, and break the pipe. Day or two off, all good...

or was it?

The problem with this was that, in the short time before the teachers realised what the smell was and came running, you had maybe 200 kids exposed to raw sewage. And this, like some pagan ritual, reversed the pecking order of the school. You see, the smallest kids, the ones that got thumped all year round, had no intellectual fear of sewage, and so would delightedly hold aloft condoms, paper cups, whatever, full of the stuff, watching the fear growing on the older kids faces as they began to swingb the condom around their heads, like glee-overdosed gengis khans. For a short period of time, the older you were, the more scared you were...

And that happened at least three years running, so that's a rule of sorts, no?

Anyways, I'll leave these three and run off. It's been ages since I contributed around here... heh...

laterf olks...