fat kids
I was fat myself, but luckily I was tall and looked stronger than I was. I mostly escaped taunting on the grounds of my weight - these people didn't.
The funniest fat boy in school's surname was pronounced Weight-Man. It took me a good while to realise that this wasn't a nickname. For his PE option, Weight-Man chose trampolining classes because they involved, potentially, no movement. Sadly, they didn't spare him from mockery, for three good reasons. He had incredibly hairy legs, the sight of him climbing onto the trampoline was a Mr Bean-style masterpiece, and during his turns on the trampoline, his feet never left the elastic. He would just use the initial tension of his climbing onto the trampoline to bob up and down until the teacher (increasingly angrily) told him to get off. This was probably a good thing, as none of us had any intention of trying to catch him if he tried to jump and fell off.
Then there was the ginger, huge one, cursed with the belief that no-one would take the piss out of him if he tried to be the jolly fat man. Trouble was, his jokes created an angry confusion, and a "who does he think he is?" ill-feeling. Went on to get a BSc and MSc, I'm told by an angry reader, although presumably not in Mirth and Merriment.
Finally, we had our year's only proper black girl, so it was a relief to our developing brains that she didn't break the Tom & Jerry Big-Momma stereotype. She always bought in a big pack of sweets. As far as I can recall, I was the only person she ever shared her sweets with, which led to some ridicule on my part, as a potential suitor. At the time, though, I was so careful not to seem racist, and more importantly, not to shy away from girls in case people correctly assumed that I was a fat gay, that I accepted her sweets and sat next to her in a class. Once.
The funniest fat boy in school's surname was pronounced Weight-Man. It took me a good while to realise that this wasn't a nickname. For his PE option, Weight-Man chose trampolining classes because they involved, potentially, no movement. Sadly, they didn't spare him from mockery, for three good reasons. He had incredibly hairy legs, the sight of him climbing onto the trampoline was a Mr Bean-style masterpiece, and during his turns on the trampoline, his feet never left the elastic. He would just use the initial tension of his climbing onto the trampoline to bob up and down until the teacher (increasingly angrily) told him to get off. This was probably a good thing, as none of us had any intention of trying to catch him if he tried to jump and fell off.
Then there was the ginger, huge one, cursed with the belief that no-one would take the piss out of him if he tried to be the jolly fat man. Trouble was, his jokes created an angry confusion, and a "who does he think he is?" ill-feeling. Went on to get a BSc and MSc, I'm told by an angry reader, although presumably not in Mirth and Merriment.
Finally, we had our year's only proper black girl, so it was a relief to our developing brains that she didn't break the Tom & Jerry Big-Momma stereotype. She always bought in a big pack of sweets. As far as I can recall, I was the only person she ever shared her sweets with, which led to some ridicule on my part, as a potential suitor. At the time, though, I was so careful not to seem racist, and more importantly, not to shy away from girls in case people correctly assumed that I was a fat gay, that I accepted her sweets and sat next to her in a class. Once.
written by Jo* B*yth, approved by Log
There was a fat kid in my school called Thomas Heavyside.
Brilliant. - Jamie.
Brilliant. - Jamie.
written by Ja*es*Coope*, approved by Jamie
There were two kids in our third year infants class called Stuart. To distinguish them in conversation we called the fat one Fat Stuart. To his face, mind, and he didn't care because he agreed that it was essential for unambiguous playground discourse.
written by Da*e *hips, approved by Ponky
We were only having a laugh when we lined up to watch the class fatty launch himself onto the trampette in PE. They were just jokes, we didn't really think that his vast weight would tear through all the springs and smash the thing to bits.
That was what made it so funny, really.
That was what made it so funny, really.
written by an*nymou* u*er, approved by Matt
I Nicknamed Paul Grant 'PG Tits' for being fat.
I hated him for the following reasons (which occured in this particular order);
1) At packed lunches he always patted his sandwiches like a beloved pet before eating them.
2) When he ate them he looked like a camel.
3) Having bragged about his supposed 12-speed racer for months, I eventually discovered it was in fact a 3-speed ladies fold-up bicycle.
4) When he fell off it at the bottom of the George St Brae and cut his head open, he told his mum it was my fault, as he'd pedalled away too fast in order to escape my taunts.
5) His mum attacked me with an umbrella outside school the next day.
6) The fat milksop actually bragged about this - thinking he'd done something brave by getting his mum onto me.
I hated him for the following reasons (which occured in this particular order);
1) At packed lunches he always patted his sandwiches like a beloved pet before eating them.
2) When he ate them he looked like a camel.
3) Having bragged about his supposed 12-speed racer for months, I eventually discovered it was in fact a 3-speed ladies fold-up bicycle.
4) When he fell off it at the bottom of the George St Brae and cut his head open, he told his mum it was my fault, as he'd pedalled away too fast in order to escape my taunts.
5) His mum attacked me with an umbrella outside school the next day.
6) The fat milksop actually bragged about this - thinking he'd done something brave by getting his mum onto me.
written by Pa*l *obi*son, approved by Mansh
Howard tried to adopt the role of "the cute, cuddly one that the girls could confide in" but unfortunately for him, the rest of his classmates just saw him as a massive fat cunt.
written by Ge*rge *yrn*, approved by Ponky