criminal genius
Something all children are not in the least adept at. For example writing "Madame Bishop est un cons" on the front of your own French exercise book in really small letters. Didn't have the first idea how I was going to spend the time in all those detentions. Other examples include spending all your mother's change on bubblegum when she knows how much change to expect and you're not allowed to chew bubblegum. And coming back smelling of it. And your mum having a temper like Carrie.
written by Tu*penc* , approved by Log
"Dense Yense" copied someone's work during a physics test. Right down to their name at the top of the page.
written by an*nym*us*use*, approved by Phil
Similarly lacking in mental agility was crime-ambitious Peter Wynne who decided to loot our local post office's sweet counter.
Not entirely devoid of logical thought, Peter got there as early as possible, to minimise witnesses, donned his open faced balaclava and thieved as much as he could, before the post mistress had a thrombo.
Peter ran home, mission emphatically accomplished, the perfect crime, perfectly executed.
Until the police collared him at his house about 10 minutes later. Was it a trail of dropped Kola Kubes that grassed poor Peter up? Nothing so unmoronic... it was the perfect set of footprints in that morning's fresh snowfall.
Peter's was betrayed by his own Gola copies. Seriously, though. Gola copies. You might as well Xerox a cat turd.
Not entirely devoid of logical thought, Peter got there as early as possible, to minimise witnesses, donned his open faced balaclava and thieved as much as he could, before the post mistress had a thrombo.
Peter ran home, mission emphatically accomplished, the perfect crime, perfectly executed.
Until the police collared him at his house about 10 minutes later. Was it a trail of dropped Kola Kubes that grassed poor Peter up? Nothing so unmoronic... it was the perfect set of footprints in that morning's fresh snowfall.
Peter's was betrayed by his own Gola copies. Seriously, though. Gola copies. You might as well Xerox a cat turd.
written by pe*ro*el*i ., approved by Log
My friend Vicky used to wait until you were filling your name in the box at the top of an exam paper, before leaning over and muttering the name of a male teacher in your ear. If you were concentrating on ponies and weren't paying attention you might write HIS surname after YOUR OWN first name. Then, it might look as if you'd just made a Freudian slip expressing your desire to marry the hideous old ghet. Bleuchhhh!!!!
written by He* Phi*lips, approved by Mansh
Four boys from my year stole £1500 worth of equipment from the music department, without noticing that there were closed-circuit TV cameras on permanent lookout.
In a further stroke of criminal mastermindness worthy of Moriarty himself, they then proceeded to try and sell it all on eBay. They used the school computer network to place the items online.
Amazingly, they were tracked down immediately and expelled.
In a further stroke of criminal mastermindness worthy of Moriarty himself, they then proceeded to try and sell it all on eBay. They used the school computer network to place the items online.
Amazingly, they were tracked down immediately and expelled.
written by le* h*mphr*es, approved by Matt