| Report for Martin Jones | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 2 |
| Summary | Perfectly Exquisite |
One of our physics teachers was called Humphrey Payne, and for some reason, his Christian name became a source of enormous amusement for the whole school. In one physics lesson, determined to irritate Humphrey, Sean Reuben put his hand up and said "Can I tell a joke sir?" and then proceeded to tell a joke which began with the feed line: "What do you call a camel with three humps?". Payne, incensed, turned a bright shade of red and ordered Sean to get out of the class. Sean feigned innocence beautifully, looking as if butter wouldn't melt in his mouth so Payne chased him madly out of the room. Once Sean was outside, Humphrey slammed the door so hard that the security glass in the door shattered. The rest of the class at this point sat in shocked silence.
We erupted into uncontrollable laughter when Sean popped his round the door a few seconds later and with a look of angelic innocence and supposed helpfulness on his face, pointed out to Humphrey, "Sir, I think the glass in the door just broke."
We erupted into uncontrollable laughter when Sean popped his round the door a few seconds later and with a look of angelic innocence and supposed helpfulness on his face, pointed out to Humphrey, "Sir, I think the glass in the door just broke."
A geography teacher at our school, known universally as Fig, was famous for making up the most extraordinary lies, known understandably as 'Figgy Bullshits'. The best Figgy Bullshit ever told involved an epic holiday to the Canadian Rockies, a story which he really did tell to our class. Fig flew from London to Los Angeles and motorbiked up to Canada. The particular bike he took was a fold-up motorbike which folded up so small that it fitted into a suitcase which he kept on his lap as hand luggage during the flight. It was so lightweight that when two trucks overtook him on the freeway, the bike took off in the slipstream and he actually started flying. When he got to Canada, he built a log cabin by himself with his own hands, and then wrestled a grizzly bear that tried to attack him. He also shot an elk.