| Report for Sir Jon Dangerous | |
|---|---|
| Rejected stories | 1 |
| Deleted stories | 4 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
When the bell went for the end of break at my primary school, it was customary to shout "It's the bell, it's the bell, it's the B-I-L".
At secondary school it was claimed that "BCG" stood for "bloody sair jag".
Just as well we were good at sports eh?
At secondary school it was claimed that "BCG" stood for "bloody sair jag".
Just as well we were good at sports eh?
No, no - it was "bees". When playing tag, you could avoid becoming "it" by putting your bees up before being tagged. This was done by putting both thumbs up - like the Fonz.
One period a week, with Mr Wormald responsible for moulding us farting, swearing teenagers into fine upstanding members of society by instilling us with proper morals and stuff.
To this end he taught us that:
Claiming a throw-in when we had last touched the ball = lying, therefore BAD, leading to breakdown of society, lawlessness and looting.
Apartheid = absolutely fine, jolly good, carry on.
Mr Wormald gained some kudos by telling us he was an RAF pilot before teaching, only to lose it all when we discovered he'd flown a crappy "Catalina" flying-boat.
To this end he taught us that:
Claiming a throw-in when we had last touched the ball = lying, therefore BAD, leading to breakdown of society, lawlessness and looting.
Apartheid = absolutely fine, jolly good, carry on.
Mr Wormald gained some kudos by telling us he was an RAF pilot before teaching, only to lose it all when we discovered he'd flown a crappy "Catalina" flying-boat.
John Stewart earned the nickname Skiddy when a pair of his shite-smeared undercrackers was discovered on a school trip to somewhere-or-other.
The "San" was added when we discovered that it was polite in Japanese to add it on to a name - obviously politeness is all-important when giving someone an abusive nickname.
Not that Skiddy-San was japanese - he was born in Hong Kong. Close enough when you're a kid I suppose. Not that he was chinese either, he was just born there.
Skiddy-San teamed up with another outcast: our year's smelly boy John Kirkham. At the bottom level status can be decided by small degrees and they worked out their private pecking-order each day by competing to see who bought most packets of polos at lunchtime. The rest of us looked on bewildered, although it did teach us that minty-fresh breath doesn't necessarily stop you being a smelly cunt.
The "San" was added when we discovered that it was polite in Japanese to add it on to a name - obviously politeness is all-important when giving someone an abusive nickname.
Not that Skiddy-San was japanese - he was born in Hong Kong. Close enough when you're a kid I suppose. Not that he was chinese either, he was just born there.
Skiddy-San teamed up with another outcast: our year's smelly boy John Kirkham. At the bottom level status can be decided by small degrees and they worked out their private pecking-order each day by competing to see who bought most packets of polos at lunchtime. The rest of us looked on bewildered, although it did teach us that minty-fresh breath doesn't necessarily stop you being a smelly cunt.
The daily bulletin of absent pupils once misspelled Barry Angus's name wrongly, so announcing that among the dead was "B Anus". He wasn't off as it happened so we were able to show him that even the teachers thought he was an arsehole