| Report for Brian Boyd | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 4 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 6 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
After the pope's visit to Wales, our school got the altar. It was left on the school stage under a green tarpaulin, too holy and wondrous to be seen by irreligious children, who'd probably just write 'shit' on it.
One rainy playtime I snuck in and wrote 'shit' on it. I later panicked and returned to cover my crime. I changed it to look like 'ship'.
I lost sleep that night. The capital P at the end of ship was a dead giveaway of an converted t, and when the teachers found it they'd get the Pope back, and he'd proper bollock me.
Next day, I went back one last time and changed it to 'I love shiPs'. This put my mind at rest straight away - that's just the kind of thing the Pope would say. That drugged old cunt loves the ships.
Weeks later someone rearranged the plastic letters on the front of the altar, so they spelled out swear words instead of religious Latin. That Pope doesn't half leave some fucking cheap-arse altars behind him.
Swear words added in the editing process. Direct all Pope-bashing complaints to me, Log. PS your pontiff's a cunt and you secretly know it
One rainy playtime I snuck in and wrote 'shit' on it. I later panicked and returned to cover my crime. I changed it to look like 'ship'.
I lost sleep that night. The capital P at the end of ship was a dead giveaway of an converted t, and when the teachers found it they'd get the Pope back, and he'd proper bollock me.
Next day, I went back one last time and changed it to 'I love shiPs'. This put my mind at rest straight away - that's just the kind of thing the Pope would say. That drugged old cunt loves the ships.
Weeks later someone rearranged the plastic letters on the front of the altar, so they spelled out swear words instead of religious Latin. That Pope doesn't half leave some fucking cheap-arse altars behind him.
Swear words added in the editing process. Direct all Pope-bashing complaints to me, Log. PS your pontiff's a cunt and you secretly know it
In Biology, Mr. Witchell regularly gobbed on the OHP and used a tissue to wipe it clean - without turning it off. I'm certain he got some kind of twisted pleasure from hearing us all go 'uurrrrrgggghhhh!' at seeing his gob magnified on the projector screen.
My best friend, Gids, and I made a 'worm hospital' from lego. Simply cut a worm in half with scissors and presto - 2 new worms.
Computer Studies teacher, Mr. Ireland, was known to be strict, but nobody could have suspected just how volatile he was.
When one bright spark asked him "Sir? Is your first name Barry?", Mr. Ireland covered the distance to his desk in a nanosecond, plucked him out of his chair and hurled him violently out of the room ... then carried on with the lesson as if nothing had happened.
As that superfast drama unfolded, I remember first thinking "Hey - wish I'd thought of that great joke", closely followed by "Thank god I didn't"
Our school was only seven miles away from Barry Island, so it's safe to assume Mr. Ireland had heard the joke once or twice before.
When one bright spark asked him "Sir? Is your first name Barry?", Mr. Ireland covered the distance to his desk in a nanosecond, plucked him out of his chair and hurled him violently out of the room ... then carried on with the lesson as if nothing had happened.
As that superfast drama unfolded, I remember first thinking "Hey - wish I'd thought of that great joke", closely followed by "Thank god I didn't"
Our school was only seven miles away from Barry Island, so it's safe to assume Mr. Ireland had heard the joke once or twice before.
UMMM MANSH HE'S TALKING TO YOU. Cunt sounds like Carl Pappenheim. Phasers set to kill.
This entire entry is lifted out of a TV sketch (Spitting Image, I think) ... although you have slightly reworded it. Hang your head in shame, thieving gypsy cunt.
What laughing at 'YOUR ANUS'? No, I think you'll find I INVENTED that joke. Somewhere in the 18th fucking century. Or does he mean the planet X bit? I didn't know planet X had been discovered when Spitting Image was on? Twat.
Exactly. I hate keeno "MISS MISS" replies like this. I only forwarded it to you to spread the hate around a bit. Brian Boyd, your card is marked.