| Report for Gaz Dunion | |
|---|---|
| Rejected stories | 5 |
| Deleted stories | 1 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
Gibbing is an act of dubious sexual appeal which involves (indeed, extends no futher than) the consumption by one gentleman of pieces of raw bacon served in another gentleman's bumhole.
This is true according to my mate Spannerface.
Which reminds me... Spannerface - a nickname applied to anyone unfortunate enough to facially resemble a bag of spanners.
This is true according to my mate Spannerface.
Which reminds me... Spannerface - a nickname applied to anyone unfortunate enough to facially resemble a bag of spanners.
While not strictly a school,m may last place of work, a school camp, was if anything more childish and petty than the real thing.
Amazingly, we managed to hold back the obvious phonetic fun to be had with our colleague Ewan Carr*. Until he got promoted, then he got it both barrels. Cock.
* It's 'You Wanker', you fucking spesh.
Amazingly, we managed to hold back the obvious phonetic fun to be had with our colleague Ewan Carr*. Until he got promoted, then he got it both barrels. Cock.
* It's 'You Wanker', you fucking spesh.
No-one likes a grass. But everyone respects the spirit of true inquiry. That's why the the socially responsible / vengefully motivated students of Duddingston Primary would pique the interest of the authorities by broadcasting posers like "OWEN, WHY ARE YOU DRAWING ON THE DESK?" into the classroom ether. If Miss Scotland shared an interest in your curiosity, was it your fault? Well, that depended on how much Tizer Owen had had that day.
The aforementioned BCG inflamation naturally made a fantastic targets for a punch to the arm, a delightful strategy whose resulting pain was vastly out of proprortion to the violent effort put in, and therefore to the puny puninshment inflicted if caught.
Readers will be familiar with the tactic of attempting to engender guilt in an assailant by pretending that a play-punch, snowball or similar actually caused crippling injury, if not slow death. The application of this during the BCG phenomenon led to victims of any contact, such as an inadvertant soulder-brush, clutching their arms and screaming "BCG, BCG!!!", regardless of which arm had been affected, or even if it had been an arm.
By the way, what was all that thumb-prick business with the girls about? Something to do with not having deaf babies, I heard.
Readers will be familiar with the tactic of attempting to engender guilt in an assailant by pretending that a play-punch, snowball or similar actually caused crippling injury, if not slow death. The application of this during the BCG phenomenon led to victims of any contact, such as an inadvertant soulder-brush, clutching their arms and screaming "BCG, BCG!!!", regardless of which arm had been affected, or even if it had been an arm.
By the way, what was all that thumb-prick business with the girls about? Something to do with not having deaf babies, I heard.
I was going to be named Barry John, after the legendary Welsh fly-half. My aunt was at teacher training college in Ediburgh, where late 1970's scrotes used the word 'barry' to refer to anything cool or otherwise approved of. My aunt took up this practice herself, and so annoying was it to her big brother that he changed his foetus' name to Gary John instead.
So it came to pass that I was named after a bloke with an entirely different name to mine.
There was a Barry at my school though, lanky ginger bloke that got bullied to within an inch of his life. Narrow escape.
So it came to pass that I was named after a bloke with an entirely different name to mine.
There was a Barry at my school though, lanky ginger bloke that got bullied to within an inch of his life. Narrow escape.
(Scene: INT, night. A cabin at school camp)
Three 11-year-old boys are in their beds. A fourth, Martin Peden, is getting undressed. Mooney and Dunion are discussing The Who's masterpiece rock opera, Tommy. Andy Lees, the school's gargantuan but oddly amiable pituitary case (later a contestant on Gladiators) is staring at the ceiling as usual.
Then, suddenly, apropos of nothing and in a strange high voice, Andy squeals out:
"MARTIN'S GOT A WILLIE!!!"
(Scene: EXT, night. A school camp in the Trossachs)
"-illie" echoes around the cabins. A flock of startled wood pigeons flings itself out of its treetop roost.
(Scene: INT, night. Girls' cabin in the same camp)
Sarah Ainslie: Really? Martin? Who knew?
The following day, the aforementioned Dunion and Mooney devised a series of critically-acclaimed cartoon strips entitled "The Adventures of Martin's Willie", in which Mr Peden's disembodied member crawled around like a worm with a big grin on its face, solving crimes and whatnot.
Three 11-year-old boys are in their beds. A fourth, Martin Peden, is getting undressed. Mooney and Dunion are discussing The Who's masterpiece rock opera, Tommy. Andy Lees, the school's gargantuan but oddly amiable pituitary case (later a contestant on Gladiators) is staring at the ceiling as usual.
Then, suddenly, apropos of nothing and in a strange high voice, Andy squeals out:
"MARTIN'S GOT A WILLIE!!!"
(Scene: EXT, night. A school camp in the Trossachs)
"-illie" echoes around the cabins. A flock of startled wood pigeons flings itself out of its treetop roost.
(Scene: INT, night. Girls' cabin in the same camp)
Sarah Ainslie: Really? Martin? Who knew?
The following day, the aforementioned Dunion and Mooney devised a series of critically-acclaimed cartoon strips entitled "The Adventures of Martin's Willie", in which Mr Peden's disembodied member crawled around like a worm with a big grin on its face, solving crimes and whatnot.