| Report for Tim Moss | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 2 |
| Deleted stories | 3 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
A popular craze started by the evil mastermind Phil Earnshaw. Pupil A would hold his breath until a point at which he or she had extremely low blood oxygen levels, at which point involuntary inhalation was scuppered by Pupil B picking up Pupil B around his/her ribcage from behind. This frequently led to loss of consciousness.
Why on Earth anybody would want to do this is beyond me now, but then again I used to find the Flintstones enjoyable. How cynical we become with age...
Why on Earth anybody would want to do this is beyond me now, but then again I used to find the Flintstones enjoyable. How cynical we become with age...
An unfortunate casting of a fat and bespectacled victim in a popular kids' school television drama. All the fat and bespectacled kids (i.e. me) would be called "Ro-land", in the manner of Roland's cute female Carribean-extraction friend.
This wouldn't have been too bad if it hadn't have been for most popular and good-looking lad in the year who decided he was Gripper Stebson (they sported similar hairstyles) and proceeded to try to make my life hell even when I lost the weight and got contact lenses.
If I ever invent a time machine, I intend to travel back to when Phil Redmond was writing the script for Grange Hill and persuade him to make the good-looking one the victim. Or I will probably just kill the whingeing Scouse twat.
This wouldn't have been too bad if it hadn't have been for most popular and good-looking lad in the year who decided he was Gripper Stebson (they sported similar hairstyles) and proceeded to try to make my life hell even when I lost the weight and got contact lenses.
If I ever invent a time machine, I intend to travel back to when Phil Redmond was writing the script for Grange Hill and persuade him to make the good-looking one the victim. Or I will probably just kill the whingeing Scouse twat.
Hmmm.... we stole a friend's upper body garments when coming out of a nightclub in winter - he asked us to hold his sweat sodden t-shirt he had removed while he put on a sweatshirt, but in the several femtosecond envelope in which we were in possession of both garments, we sprinted away.
Much hilarity ensued when said friend was seen donning an extremely old, wet, mouldy and most likely shat on old boiler suit that had been stuffed in someone's garden for months. It should be mentioned we were doing our PhD's at the time.
Much hilarity ensued when said friend was seen donning an extremely old, wet, mouldy and most likely shat on old boiler suit that had been stuffed in someone's garden for months. It should be mentioned we were doing our PhD's at the time.
Slugs - useless bastards of the gastopod family. According to my uncle, when my family first moved into our house in Blackburn, the garden was overrun with giant mutant slugs with a bright orange frill. Ever the genius, my dad came up with the idea of killing the slugs with two air rifles, one for him and on for his brother (my uncle). After spending a fortune on air-gun pellets and having to witness hundreds of slugs splattered over the garden, he resorted to slug poison. My young life is filled with events such as this. No wonder I became a toxicologist, really.
Since our school had supposedly eschewed corporal punishment, we were surprised when our P.E. teacher (had to be one of them, didn't it) decided to give us six of the best because about seven boys in the class took longer than 17 femtoseconds to get changed. I had some awful trainers at the time (mind you, this was before labels) which had no cushioning, weighed a few kg and were constructed of very hard plastic. Guess who's trainer got used as a weapon for said punishment? Guess who got kicked in by 6 other lads for supplying the weapon? Its a good job 15 year old boys don't make decisions at war crime tribunals, that's all I will say on the matter.
Unlike many other people who experienced corporal punishment, I don't seem to have any punishment fetishes or desire to be spanked. I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with 1) women wearing stockings and/or sussies and 2) lesbians. But then again so do about 3.3 billion other blokes.
Unlike many other people who experienced corporal punishment, I don't seem to have any punishment fetishes or desire to be spanked. I seem to have an unhealthy obsession with 1) women wearing stockings and/or sussies and 2) lesbians. But then again so do about 3.3 billion other blokes.
Please learn from the mistake I made when I decided to deride a team-mate who had fumbled a very easy pass with Sgt. Hartman's most evocative quote:
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the Goddamned common courtesy to give him a reach around."
Whilst I basked in the waves of appreciation from my team-mates, the referee (who also happened to be our head of year and best friend of my uncle), heard every word and looked thoroughly shocked. He metered out the most hideous, thoroughy despicable punishment known to man.
He told my mum. Word for word.
"I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the Goddamned common courtesy to give him a reach around."
Whilst I basked in the waves of appreciation from my team-mates, the referee (who also happened to be our head of year and best friend of my uncle), heard every word and looked thoroughly shocked. He metered out the most hideous, thoroughy despicable punishment known to man.
He told my mum. Word for word.