| Report for Harry Nice | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 12 |
| Rejected stories | 8 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 10 |
| Summary | Could Try Harder |
Fantastic punch performed on Kev Karman by Richard Allen with two pants wetting consequences:
On entering late to a PSE lesson, Kev was greeted by a tremendous punch to the left kidney from Richard, which caused him to collapse on to the floor and wet himself - leaving all those watching to wet themselves with laughter.
Moments afterwards, Deputy Headmaster Mr Kempton strode into the class and straight over the prone KK, telling to get up and stop clamouring for attention or something.
For weeks, months and then years after, every time KK entered PSE he was subjected to a low, menacing chorus of COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...
Great fun for all concerned, apart from Kev, obviously.
On entering late to a PSE lesson, Kev was greeted by a tremendous punch to the left kidney from Richard, which caused him to collapse on to the floor and wet himself - leaving all those watching to wet themselves with laughter.
Moments afterwards, Deputy Headmaster Mr Kempton strode into the class and straight over the prone KK, telling to get up and stop clamouring for attention or something.
For weeks, months and then years after, every time KK entered PSE he was subjected to a low, menacing chorus of COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...COOKERYpunch...
Great fun for all concerned, apart from Kev, obviously.
Population of the Hearing Impaired Unit in our school, the most violent and anarchic kids.
Living in silence had clearly sent them mad - they would scream and kick people without explanation or mercy.
One of them burned down our library as well I think.
Living in silence had clearly sent them mad - they would scream and kick people without explanation or mercy.
One of them burned down our library as well I think.
I actually saw this film once, and the thing is, the strange white haired old guy in the film does actually try to insert himself into a chicken, but it doesn't work and he goes and shags a cow instead.
The bit with the eels was the most informative.
The bit with the eels was the most informative.
Used when someone demonstrated a fierce temper, or threatened someone, and eventually for no real reason at all.
After the victim had acted hard or tried to be tough in some way, a chorus of people would shout 'Oooooh, you're hard, where's your handbag?', and then run away doing the John Inman limp wrist thing.
After the victim had acted hard or tried to be tough in some way, a chorus of people would shout 'Oooooh, you're hard, where's your handbag?', and then run away doing the John Inman limp wrist thing.
This was also known as Jesus' Cross - when streams were crossed, each participant would shout 'Jesus' Cross' as loud as possible, so that everyone in the surrounding area would know what had occurred.
A freindly version;
Fatty and Thinny were in the bath,
Fatty blew off and Thinny laughed.
And a recent ad lib by a friend;
Fatty and Thinny were in the hay,
Fatty blew off and Thinny was gay.
Fatty and Thinny were in the bath,
Fatty blew off and Thinny laughed.
And a recent ad lib by a friend;
Fatty and Thinny were in the hay,
Fatty blew off and Thinny was gay.
Weird kind of tie-in here. My friend Stuart and I used to call weeing into muffs a 'Golden Eggyolk' - we didnt think that was how babies were made, but rather used it as an example of how filthy an imaginary porn film that we didnt watch was to impress our friends.
He now lives in the Czech Republic, but we still ask each other if we've given any golden eggyolks recently whenever we speak.
Has this ever happened in real life? Does this practice have a name? (other than golden eggyolk obviously).
He now lives in the Czech Republic, but we still ask each other if we've given any golden eggyolks recently whenever we speak.
Has this ever happened in real life? Does this practice have a name? (other than golden eggyolk obviously).
We had a weird loner person called Richard Oakey in our school as well; He had some sort of problem with his neck which meant he was always looking up - earning him the nickname 'Stargazer' - small world, unless you actually went to the same school as me. Which still makes it a smallish kind of world when you think about it.
A variation on the typewriter. The xylophone is rather more savage in that it requires four people to hold down the victim in a splayed and prone star, and as many people as fancied it are allowed to savagely beat them with maracas, kettle drum sticks, or guiros. Sometimes for as long as ten minutes.
The practice stops when somebody passes out, wets themselves, develops kidney damage and spends the following weeks pissing blood in hospital.
The practice stops when somebody passes out, wets themselves, develops kidney damage and spends the following weeks pissing blood in hospital.
There was also 'ip-dip dog-shit, fucking bastard, silly git, you are not it' - for when you had more people I suppose. Always a good excuse for a swear...
Ip, dip, dog shit,
Fucking bastard, little git,
You are not it
Obviously the second line serves no purpose, apart from sounding very adult.
Fucking bastard, little git,
You are not it
Obviously the second line serves no purpose, apart from sounding very adult.
I still do this too - and 'You dropped your gay card'.
This never stops being funny - especially when you know my friend Gary, and can do it more than once.
This never stops being funny - especially when you know my friend Gary, and can do it more than once.
I'm also fairly sure that in one of the Sherlock Holmes books, he ejaculates in his front room whilst he has a guest, who returns both of her hands to her muff in disgust. I'm sure it's in one of the books, I just cant remember which one.
On the subject of great literary ejaculations, it is rumoured that Jesus' last words in some prints of the Bible were "I come too quickly." Can anyone verify this? - I cant be bothered...
Well, can anyone verify this? We can't be bothered either.
On the subject of great literary ejaculations, it is rumoured that Jesus' last words in some prints of the Bible were "I come too quickly." Can anyone verify this? - I cant be bothered...
Well, can anyone verify this? We can't be bothered either.
How about 'Wankr becomes Wanker with me...'?
Harry, you might like to see this entry, to guage the degree to which you have just entirely missed the point. Can anyone else see how Harry has missed the point of "a word that becomes a rude word when you add the letter e to the end" in two distinct ways?
Harry, you might like to see this entry, to guage the degree to which you have just entirely missed the point. Can anyone else see how Harry has missed the point of "a word that becomes a rude word when you add the letter e to the end" in two distinct ways?
I went fishing with my Nan and my cousin once. I caught a perch, but couldn't get the hook out of it's mouth. With the confidence of the seasoned fisherwoman, my Nan deftly pulled the hook out, bringing with it the eyes and jaw of the rather surprised fish.
She just said 'shit', took her shoe off, smashed the poor little fucker on the head and threw it back in the lake.
The journey home was quiet, and included lots of staring out of the car window.
She just said 'shit', took her shoe off, smashed the poor little fucker on the head and threw it back in the lake.
The journey home was quiet, and included lots of staring out of the car window.
and anyway - this site is intended for like minded scum like us to laugh at things like that because we WANT to.
If you dont like it, go elsewhere you fucking tramp.
If you dont like it, go elsewhere you fucking tramp.
The first time I ever heard about it was when a woman was raped and murdered by some shops near where I used to live during my infants school days.
I actually thought it was 'raked', and for years lived under the mistaken impression that the poor lady was gardened to death.
She deserved it. She was a hoe-er. Pffffffff!!!! - Mansh
I actually thought it was 'raked', and for years lived under the mistaken impression that the poor lady was gardened to death.
She deserved it. She was a hoe-er. Pffffffff!!!! - Mansh
Half a crown for a suck and a SOVEREIGN for all the way?
Thats surely a bit excessive - you must be shit hot in the sack...
Thats surely a bit excessive - you must be shit hot in the sack...
Girls are shit at jinx, because they refuse to stop talking when you jinx them - about the new range of Scrunchies in Claire's Accessories, 87% of the time - and act all gay and go "ow" when you punch them in the arm.
Has anyone else noticed that "ow" is "mo" upside-down? Proof positive. Poof positive. Poof HIV positive. Like your dad. - Log
Has anyone else noticed that "ow" is "mo" upside-down? Proof positive. Poof positive. Poof HIV positive. Like your dad. - Log
What I think of as THE BEST catch-22 of all time:
Is mine the best cock you've ever tasted?
Doesnt work particularly well for known gayers or women with loose morals though - using it on these people can make it backfire, and you will look like a twat.
Is mine the best cock you've ever tasted?
Doesnt work particularly well for known gayers or women with loose morals though - using it on these people can make it backfire, and you will look like a twat.