| Report for M Smilex | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 2 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 5 |
| Summary | Mean Boy |
An economical and comical way of judging a person's entire personality, attractiveness, intelligence, coolness and popularity in a couple of simple steps. The criterion is simple: The more sharply curved the back of your head is the gayer you are.
a. Get someone unpopular and tell them they need to have their Bengle measured.
b. Gently place hand vertically on back of "Benglee's" head cupping the cranial curve.
c. Remove hand.
d. As Benglee turns to asess his parabolic result, narrow the "cup" to an impossibly narrow arch.
e. Feigning disbelief, show the assembled "Bengle Jury" the freakish yet indisputable evidence of Benglee's gayness.
f. At this stage the Bengle Jury may give credence to the verdict by measuring each others' Bengles which all turn up beautifully shallow curves.
g.By now Benglee will be saying things like,"EH! NEE WAY!" (if from Tyneside) and be demanding some kind of appeal procedure to save him from the "Bengler's Sentence".
h.The infinitely merciful Bengler now offers the Benglee a "way out" of his malaise by offering to measure his "Mal",or forehead curve. Excited by the chance of a reprieve Benglee always agrees.
i. Place hand gently on Benglee's forehead and then push hard, propelling him over a crouching member of the Bengle Jury.
j. The rest of the Bengle Jury may then exercise their rights as concerned citizens by joining in in a good old Darkie's Circle around the prostrate Benglee. (Preferably adding a soundtrack to the beating in the form of the riff from J.Geils's "Angel is a Centrefold" done entirely in "NAHs".)
a. Get someone unpopular and tell them they need to have their Bengle measured.
b. Gently place hand vertically on back of "Benglee's" head cupping the cranial curve.
c. Remove hand.
d. As Benglee turns to asess his parabolic result, narrow the "cup" to an impossibly narrow arch.
e. Feigning disbelief, show the assembled "Bengle Jury" the freakish yet indisputable evidence of Benglee's gayness.
f. At this stage the Bengle Jury may give credence to the verdict by measuring each others' Bengles which all turn up beautifully shallow curves.
g.By now Benglee will be saying things like,"EH! NEE WAY!" (if from Tyneside) and be demanding some kind of appeal procedure to save him from the "Bengler's Sentence".
h.The infinitely merciful Bengler now offers the Benglee a "way out" of his malaise by offering to measure his "Mal",or forehead curve. Excited by the chance of a reprieve Benglee always agrees.
i. Place hand gently on Benglee's forehead and then push hard, propelling him over a crouching member of the Bengle Jury.
j. The rest of the Bengle Jury may then exercise their rights as concerned citizens by joining in in a good old Darkie's Circle around the prostrate Benglee. (Preferably adding a soundtrack to the beating in the form of the riff from J.Geils's "Angel is a Centrefold" done entirely in "NAHs".)
An activity which quickly and efficiently establishes a solid social heirachy in junior schools.
While in a queue, someone offers a favoured / feared classmate who is further back to go in front of them. "Generous", you could argue until they swap their immediate places which offends the person originally behind the place offerer. This person then importunes a person even nearer the front to let him have his space (then swap).
Everyone quickly twigs what's happening and starts offering (and swapping) or imploring (and swapping) queue places until the process is stopped mid-evolution by a bewildered teacher, or in rare instances when everyone is happy in their place (or too scared to complain). This queue will turn out to be a perfect snapshot of the class's social heirachy running from HARD/POPULAR to SOFT/UNPOPULAR with all shades represented between.
While in a queue, someone offers a favoured / feared classmate who is further back to go in front of them. "Generous", you could argue until they swap their immediate places which offends the person originally behind the place offerer. This person then importunes a person even nearer the front to let him have his space (then swap).
Everyone quickly twigs what's happening and starts offering (and swapping) or imploring (and swapping) queue places until the process is stopped mid-evolution by a bewildered teacher, or in rare instances when everyone is happy in their place (or too scared to complain). This queue will turn out to be a perfect snapshot of the class's social heirachy running from HARD/POPULAR to SOFT/UNPOPULAR with all shades represented between.
Mark Hobson was so shit at spelling, he once scrawled: "THE HUMAN LEG" on his pencil case in honour of the Sheffield based Art-Pop-Electro outfit.