| Report for Nicolas Kastoris | |
|---|---|
| Approved stories | 4 |
| Pending stories | 1 |
| Rejected stories | 4 |
| Deleted stories (hidden) | 3 |
| Summary | Could Try Harder |
A nickname applied to me early on in Grade 7 by a flat-chested girl clearly deluded about her own attractiveness. According to friends, the name derived from the fact that every time I looked at her, I would get a steaming erection, which I would get out and beat off.
Even if I had been inclined to spontaneous public dickwanking, I wouldn't have done it over a girl who looked like a fucking man.
Even if I had been inclined to spontaneous public dickwanking, I wouldn't have done it over a girl who looked like a fucking man.
Before me and my buds discovered the other euphamisms for erection, we called a chub, "Hard on a good pair of tight pants." Or Hoag Pot P. Don't ask about that one.
Later, Hoag Pot P was changed into Hog Pot Pie. Along with "Hard On Tight Sweats." Or Hots. Finally, it was just abbreviated as Hard-On, which we later discovered was a rather common euphamism. I still say Hog Pot Pie, mind you.
Later, Hoag Pot P was changed into Hog Pot Pie. Along with "Hard On Tight Sweats." Or Hots. Finally, it was just abbreviated as Hard-On, which we later discovered was a rather common euphamism. I still say Hog Pot Pie, mind you.
1 - The Ninja Knife Frisbee: Tape a decent number of plastic handled, steel tipped craft knives to 3/4s of a standard frisbee. Throw. Hilarity will ensue as the more robust children try to escape the improvised death discus. Named so because of the similarity to toy shurikens sold in Ninja-themed sets of playthings.
2 - Balls of Steel: Buy a stress ball, cut it open along a seam. Fill it with ballberrings. Re-sew in Home Economics class. Easily disguised as a standard stress ball, which are common among computer-users. Pelt at your friends, though avoid the face unless you really don't like them.
3 - Home Depot Cherry Bombs - Steal the large tubes from science class, commonly used in hydrometer projects. Plug the back end with a cork. Combine Nitrogen-based fertilizer, Sulfur-based stump remover, and unused barbecuing charcoal in a roughly 16:4:1 ratio, and pack it tightly into the tube around a length of cord soaked in whatever flammable liquid you have. Light the cord aflame, and run quickly. Do not use indoors, unless you can sneak into the girl's toilets.
4 - Nickel Cannon - Take the eraser out of a spring-loaded mechanical eraser, whose inner shell is a millimetre or two wider than an easy to obtain coin, such as a penny, dime, or nickel. Remove the button in the back, thus revealing the spring and inards of the mechanical eraser. Tie two small rubber bands to the front of the spring, and amass a small fortune of coins. Place a few coins in the mechanical eraser, pull the spring as far back as it will go, and release upon an unsuspecting target. May also work with marbles, though the potential of incriminating evidence due to broken marbles is much greater. As with Balls of Steel, avoid the face, though shooting a marble up your friends rump is quite entertaining.
2 - Balls of Steel: Buy a stress ball, cut it open along a seam. Fill it with ballberrings. Re-sew in Home Economics class. Easily disguised as a standard stress ball, which are common among computer-users. Pelt at your friends, though avoid the face unless you really don't like them.
3 - Home Depot Cherry Bombs - Steal the large tubes from science class, commonly used in hydrometer projects. Plug the back end with a cork. Combine Nitrogen-based fertilizer, Sulfur-based stump remover, and unused barbecuing charcoal in a roughly 16:4:1 ratio, and pack it tightly into the tube around a length of cord soaked in whatever flammable liquid you have. Light the cord aflame, and run quickly. Do not use indoors, unless you can sneak into the girl's toilets.
4 - Nickel Cannon - Take the eraser out of a spring-loaded mechanical eraser, whose inner shell is a millimetre or two wider than an easy to obtain coin, such as a penny, dime, or nickel. Remove the button in the back, thus revealing the spring and inards of the mechanical eraser. Tie two small rubber bands to the front of the spring, and amass a small fortune of coins. Place a few coins in the mechanical eraser, pull the spring as far back as it will go, and release upon an unsuspecting target. May also work with marbles, though the potential of incriminating evidence due to broken marbles is much greater. As with Balls of Steel, avoid the face, though shooting a marble up your friends rump is quite entertaining.
Actually, a melvin was in the front, and a wedgie was in the back. A particularly feared prospect was the Atomic Melvin, in which one's stretchy boxer-briefs were pulled so far up that the elastic band could be placed over one's head.
Insult derived from the use of bleach on underwear to remove skid marks. "You've been bleaching again, you dirty bleacher!"
In fairness, I'd rather be accused of bleaching the skids out of my kex than leaving them there to form gold watches. Better still, I suppose, would be to go through school entirely skid free. I can dream, can't I?
In fairness, I'd rather be accused of bleaching the skids out of my kex than leaving them there to form gold watches. Better still, I suppose, would be to go through school entirely skid free. I can dream, can't I?
An exchange mumbled between friends.
A: Hey, hey. I've got a secret, and you can't tell anyone.
B: What is it?
A: You've got tits.
Must be said in a completely serious tone, with a straight face. It was only exchanged between male friends, as females already knew this secret. Should any boy utter this to a female and be discovered, he would be punched.
A: Hey, hey. I've got a secret, and you can't tell anyone.
B: What is it?
A: You've got tits.
Must be said in a completely serious tone, with a straight face. It was only exchanged between male friends, as females already knew this secret. Should any boy utter this to a female and be discovered, he would be punched.
In an amazing year of Indiana Jones-esque escapades, my friends and I would booby-trap each others lockers quite freqently using all sorts of house-hold items. Being the top of the top in Science class, which was in the middle of a Mechanical Effeciency unit, I rigged up six cans of whipped cream, two blasting-cap cherry bombs, and a big fake gun with a "Your Gay!" flag that pops out of the front to go off as soon as my buddy opened his locker.
Unfortunately, the cherry bombs blew the binding of the whipping cream cans, sending them flying into the hall. And maybe some of you don't understand how much six cans of whipped cream is.
Unfortunately, the cherry bombs blew the binding of the whipping cream cans, sending them flying into the hall. And maybe some of you don't understand how much six cans of whipped cream is.
When one child was bossing another around, such as Corey Corbett being stupid, the child would be both inclined and encouraged to yell, "Nazi!" At the top of their lungs. Should the target know the game, he would yell, "Hick!" Or Red Neck, depending on their inclination. The game would be solidly ended with the uttering of "Jew." Because being jewish is automatically worse than being a nazi or Texan. Jew could be replaced with Stupid Jew, Hebrew, Brew, Brewsky and Jewbacca. I coined the last two.
I used to poke fun at a slightly rotund boy by informing him that he had man tits. This was later shortened to just tits. Eventually, he replied, saying that I did as well. Whenever we encountered each other in the halls, the first one to exclaim that the other has tits would be the superior. Especially stealth informings of breast-possesion. Eventually, this got around the school, and everyone in their right mind was saying it to everyone else. Though, if a boy informed a girl, the girl had every right to find as many boys as she could to punch the criminal. This was used whether or not the target really had any form of breast.
The slightly stupider, "You have a vagina," never really did catch on, as it was too long and used the actual term of the organ.
The slightly stupider, "You have a vagina," never really did catch on, as it was too long and used the actual term of the organ.